What do love and death have to do with dating in your 50’s? I pondered this today when I first heard about a death, followed shortly by learning about an engagement. Well, the love part is obvious—it’s the brass ring, the pot of gold that we are all ( well, mostly all) are looking for. But death? I would say that most of us are not looking for that, although it will find us anyway….as they say (and again, who are ‘they’ anyway?) the only certainties in life are death and taxes. And while most of us don’t like taxes, it’s pretty safe to say we prefer it to death any day…
Love and death are more related than you might think…the stronger feelings you have for someone, the more you are affected by their death. When you are dating in your 50’s and beyond, if you are lucky enough to find a true life-long partner, it will probably be death that ultimately separates you. Mortality is looming. Ugh. It’s enough to make you never want to love someone again, just so you don’t have to endure their loss—and I’m sure there are people that feel exactly this way. They shut themselves off from ever getting close to anyone, so they don’t have to worry about losing that love. I think that’s a very lonely way to live—you might as well wrap yourself in bubble wrap and never leave the house!
For the brave ones (now some might say foolish, but I’m sticking with brave), you put yourself out there anyway. You take the awkward phone calls and the bad dates and you carry on. You hope with all your heart the next one will be the last one. You leap without a net in sight. You believe the end justifies the means. Cause what you are looking for is worth whatever struggle it takes to get there. It’s the brass ring. The pot of gold. A true partner. A soul mate. Someone to love who loves you back.
Which brings us back to death (sorry for the buzz kill). Maybe you can defy the odds and find true love (although my odds are greater that I’ll be killed by a terrorist, thank you, Newsweek) But it does happen. I’ve seen it first hand. The engagement I mentioned was one of my closest friends. She and her guy really are a great couple. Does she stop to think how much time she has with him? No. She just loves him and tries to make everyday special. They have each other. And three dogs. Life is good.
So if you are one of the lucky ones who defies the odds and finds true and lasting love, learn from my friend. Enjoy what you have while you have it. Have fun. Make memories. Just love each other. Even though one day, hopefully in the much distant future, one of you will die first. And the one left behind will be devastated. But the time you had together will live in your heart forever. And it will have been worth it. <3