By the time I got here, you would have thought I have been through most potential scenarios for how dates have gone for me: good dates (17 and 21, for example), bad dates (pick a number if you’ve read this blog) and the just plain ugly (4, 7 and 19, I’m talking about you) but you would be wrong. Enter date number 29…
I met him when he contacted me on a site–but all he had up was a few pictures and not one word of description. Nada! This alone would have probably caused me to pass him by were it not for one of his pictures–it was a picture of him holding his grandson that completely connected with me–and the look of pure joy on his face told me I needed to know more about him. So I answered him, cautiously, by asking for more information. He answered fairly quickly (not a given on these sites where people disappear with alarming regularity) and told me a bit more about himself. I liked what I saw, but I was heading out to visit friends so I told him I would be in touch when I returned early the next week.
Upon my return, I revisited his profile and it was still empty so I wrote and asked him to tell me a bit more. He replied by giving me his number and asking me to just call if I wanted more info. Ugh. The dreaded first phone call once again–truly my most difficult part of this whole process! I just hate cold calling–and that’s what it is to me. Many, many times the promise of a date has quickly ended after just 5 minutes on the phone–I may have been on 29 dates, but I’ve been on at least twice that many phone calls and believe me, some are as memorable as the dates! There was the professor in his late 50’s who told me he “tried very hard’ not to date his young college students. (Eww!) The man who told me that leaving my then 15-year-old daughter home alone while I stayed overnight at his house was perfectly acceptable (well not to me, you freak) Not to mention the multiple times I just got the creeps while on the phone with certain men so I learned to quickly and politely decline those date offers. So here I am, faced with making yet another cold call–but I kept on going back to that grandchild picture in my head so I did it.
He answered right away and he had a nice voice–I liked that. Our conversation moved quickly and comfortably–and I liked that too. He was playful and fun–and once we got off the phone, we immediately moved to texting which was also playful and fun. I hate to use that dreaded word ‘connection’, but I kind of felt we had one. He spoke of dancing together and kissing me–but I made no promises–well, I did say I would dance with him (music or not!) We made plans to meet at a local restaurant for drinks and apps and I tried not to raise my hopes for this date but I found myself looking forward to it anyway.
I’ve said this before, but by the time I get to a date, I am usually not nervous anymore–as mentioned above, it’s the stupid phone calls that get me. I had a twinge of nervous here, though, as we had made such a connection via phone and texting that I didn’t want the actual meeting to disappoint as had happened to me before. There is nothing worse than having a date you are so looking forward to just fizzle out–damn you chemistry! (or lack thereof) Nothing to worry about here, though, he was as cute as his pictures (a minor miracle in itself) and it felt totally comfortable from the very start. We laughed, talked, ate, drank, kissed (don’t judge!) and even had a bit of a dance on the patio…by all accounts a very successful date. It felt totally comfortable and didn’t even feel like a first date–even he mentioned that to me. It might have been a perfect date if it had just ended here, but you know that ‘perfect’ and ‘date’ are not used very often in this blog so there must be more to this story..and of course, there is…
Neither of us really wanted the date to end, so he suggested we take it back to my house. I really struggled with this–the date was amazing and I didn’t want it to end but….bringing a virtual stranger back to my house? Late at night? My logic was saying one thing and my hormones another and the damn hormones won…with a promise that it would not go beyond kissing and he would leave by 11:30, the next thing I know is he is following me home and I am driving and trying to figure out how the hell I allowed this to happen! I will spare you the gory details, but what started as kissing on the couch turned into well, just what you are thinking….damn. Let me state this clearly–we were 2 consenting, unimpaired (only 1 drink for me and just 2 for him, so I can’t blame it on the alcohol) ADULTS and we did what comes naturally. And it sure did feel natural and comfortable…damn.
But this, my friends, is truly uncharted territory for me. In my 29 dates in the last 3 years, I have never been intimate on a first date. Geez, I had only really kissed 3 of these men, thanks to my self-imposed force field (where was it when I needed it here? Epic fail!). 3 out of 29…that means that, statistically, I had a 9 out of 10 chance of not even getting close enough to kiss him on this date–wouldn’t you play those lottery odds? So what does this mean moving forward? I don’t really know–and that is the really hard part of this for me. While I am not afraid of a certain amount of risk, I have never been a ‘fly by the seat of your pants’ kind of gal. This has opened up a vulnerability in me that I really don’t like and am not really sure how to handle. I could even endlessly debate if I did it because I was vulnerable or am I vulnerable because I did it–and I’m not even sure which side would win!
So where do I go from here? Damned if I know…stay tuned…
Lessons learned:
1. At this point, all I can say is do as I say and not as I do–letting a stranger in my house was not a good idea, even if we had just talked. You should know more about your dates before inviting them into your world.
2. Dating has changed me. I’m not the same person who started this process 3 years ago. Still not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
2. The only way to get through this dating process is putting yourself out there–over and over again. It’s not always fun. It’s not always easy. But, ultimately, you are betting that the end will justify the means–and if you are very patient and very lucky, it will.
3. Never say never–real chemistry may trump logic every time. Damn.