Number Four….even 2.5 years later, I remember this date….He contacted me and we wrote back and fourth a few times and then the dreaded phone call… One thing I can say (as I write this with a couple of years of dating experience under my belt) is that you do learn from this process as it goes along. Things you struggled with in the beginning become easier. One thing I was not good at in the beginning (like when this first happened) was telling peopleI was not interested in going out with them if the phone call was awkward. This lead me to date number four, even though I was fairly dreading it after an awkward and uncomfortable phone call. He answered my questions with one word answers and no enthusiasm and going into the date, I had very low expectations. In reality, I should have just passed on this guy but as I said, I was trying to be nice and thought I needed to go through with it since we had spoken.
Since he did live some distance from me, we decided to meet about halfway at a casual restaurant for coffee. I didn’t pick this–he did. If you are just going for coffee, you probably shouldn’t go to a restaurant where they expect you to eat food with your beverage. After we sit, we are given menus but order nothing but drinks and get a bit of a look from the waitress. That was bad enough, but she came back at least 3 times to see if we wanted to eat (and once he actually asked for a bread basket only to be told they only do that at dinner). I was sinking into the seat with embarrassment! When he slipped into the bathroom, I start texting K “help me….” and counted the minutes till I felt I could take a leave.
The best was yet to come! Apparently, this man had given his wife a lie-detector test (machine and test administrator and all) at one point to determine if she was cheating on him. And the best of all–it was taped and he watches it (and actually told me he would show it to me–you can’t even make these things up!) While he seemed like a nice enough man, his slow way of speaking, very quiet demeanor and unusual video library precluded any future dates for me. As I was leaving, he asked if I would like to see him again–chicken that I am, I asked him to call me–to which he replied he didn’t have my number (I hide it when I call people). Faced with the prospect of giving him my number when I knew I didn’t want to see him again, I just said he could e-mail me through Match (awkward!)
I hurried home and before he could contact me, sent him an e-mail (that to this day, K and I refer to as the xxx (his name) letter, the nicest possible ‘thanks, but no thanks’ e-mail I could come up with. (and K even used the same e-mail format for second dates she was trying to politely decline!) I try to send these out asap after a date I don’t wish to repeat–no sense in letting someone you have know interest in hang around!
POSTSCRIPT 6/14: In the truth is stranger than fiction arena of my life: The exact night I sat down to write this piece, I received an e-mail on the current dating site I am on from this man…who obviously has no idea who I am or that we had already gone out! I do have to give him props, though–the e-mail he sent me was one of the best e-mails I have ever received (having already had contact with this man, I seriously question whether he really wrote it or if it was a ‘form’ e-mail that you personalize for your intended recipient) but regardless, it was a very nice e-mail and it shows that he has probably learned a bit from his time dating and that’s a good thing. To show that I have learned over time as well, I politely declined…
Lessons learned:
1. If the phone call doesn’t go well, you really don’t have to go through with a date
2. Don’t go to a restaurant if all you want it coffee–there are enough coffee shops for that purpose
3. For God’s sake, don’t offer to let your date view a video of your ex-wife–for any reason!
4. Take your dating experiences and learn from them! Evolving is good!