Wow! As I write this, date number one was a long time ago…nearly 3 years ago! But since every good story needs a starting place, mine starts here. I had been on Match for about 6 months at this point–first having joined when I was divorced about 6 months.. I know the amount of time before you jump into dating will vary from person to person, but I now realize it was just too fast to me. After a 26 year marriage, I still felt ‘married’. When the first person wrote to me on Match, I froze–I didn’t even know what to do! I spent almost the first 5 months of my initial 6 month subscription just spinning my wheels in place–it took me all the way until the last month before I felt I could actually face the prospect of going out with someone for the first time in about 28 years…enter date number one!
Date number one contacted me first (I think)–although on Match it is perfectly acceptable for the women to initiate contact (and in actuality, I think it happens this way more often than not). We went back and forth with a few e-mails and then a phone call–that first phone call was (and still is to this day) so nerve-wracking for me. In my head, if I can get through the phone call, I can get through the date, but essentially ‘cold-calling’ a strange man is just weird to me and it’s been my personal struggle. Nonetheless, I did call him, it seemed to go well and we arranged to meet at a local coffee shop (where I would eventually meet multiple other men as well–they must know me there! Lovely!)
I was so nervous for this date. 28 years is a long time–I hadn’t been on a date since I was 23 years old! My bff in Boston actually had me skype her wearing the outfit I was going to wear so she could check it out first. Approaching the coffee place, my heart was beating so loud I figured he could hear it! The date itself was fine–I honestly can’t remember anything really unusual about it. He seemed like a nice enough man. He did tell some story where he kept on calling the woman in it ‘fat’ and that was a little awkward, but pretty uneventful overall (as I would find out after a few more dates!) We get to the end , he walks me to my car, shakes my hand and asks me if he could contact me to go to the movies or something. I said sure and drive off….without telling him that my Match subscription was ending just a couple of days later and without that he had no way to contact me (I usually hide my number when I call men–you can never be too careful on a first contact, especially). Did he try to reach me and I was already offsite? I’ll probably never know, but it wasn’t the way to handle it but you really do learn as you go along. I owe this one an apology.
One final footnote: A few weeks after this date, I discovered that my ex had remarried just a few days after I had my first date–obviously, ‘recovery’ comes faster to some than others…cough cough
Lessons learned:
1. Don’t rush the process. If you are not ready, don’t push it. It’s really ok
2. Don’t just disappear–I did it and it’s not cool. You owe a date better than that
3. If you can go out on a first date before your ex remarries–point for you!