Monthly Archives: March 2016

Even after all this time, I still can’t believe some of the things my dates say to me on (or prior to) a first date.  Truly personal things.  Things I would just rather not hear on a first date (and, honestly, sometimes I don’t ever want to know them)  Allow me to introduce date number 44.

We met on the site for mature daters, when he contacted me. I wasn’t actually interested at first, but trying to stay open minded, open my parameters, blah blah blah…you know the routine…. We spoke on the phone and made a date for coffee–at a place I’d never actually been to–imagine that!

We met and it was ok–he appeared quite a bit older in person and I wasn’t really interested but figured I would see what he had to say before I wrote him off.  My mistake. What he had to say was the whole sordid story of the end of his marriage.  How his wife screwed him royally.  How he lost his job and all his money. How he hated her. It was just too much–I think I lasted about an hour and then needed to go. I’d heard sob stories before, but this one was just over the top.  He was still so angry. He was not ready to move on–he still had a lot to work out before he was ready to date.

I’m hoping he realized it too, cause the next day he wrote me a note and told me he thought that maybe he was not ready to date yet ( ya think??) and he apologized for venting to me.  Maybe he just needed someone to listen–but what he didn’t need was another relationship at this time–of that I am sure!   Did he really stay offline and work on himself–I’m not sure, cause I left that website–but I sure hope he did. Sometimes I feel I need a psychology degree–or maybe my dates just need a psychologist!

Lessons learned:

1. Please don’t vent to your dates–it’s awkward, uncomfortable and just not fun to listen to.  Really.
2. Don’t date before you are ready. Don’t date before you are ready. Don’t date before you are ready.  Did you get that??

Ah, number 43….this guy epitomizes why I will never understand men–or the dating process…  I met 43 on match when I wrote to him and he answered right away..I liked what I saw in his profile and he seemed like a great guy.  We made a date at Starbucks–should I be asking for a frequent dater discount??

As soon as I saw him, I  felt I saw something in his eyes that made me feel like he was really happy to meet me.  Like I didn’t disappoint him. It may sound weird, but sometimes you just see in someone’s eyes that you are not what they are looking for, and then you have to go through the whole date already knowing the outcome.  When he first looked at me, I really felt like he was happy to see me.  You probably won’t understand this if it has never happened to you–I was just happy to see it right from the start. This date had potential.

Coffee went great and we immediately made a second date..which went great…and then a third…and then a fourth.  All in the span of 8 days!  Ok, this guy must really like me–we had lots in common, lots to talk about and I thought we were doing great.  There was just nothing physical. I mean, he would hug me goodnight, but not even try to kiss me, more than a peck on the cheek. The first couple of dates I was ok with this, cause honestly–there is nothing more awkward than a first kiss when you are just not looking to kiss. But after the first 2 dates, I admit I was ready for a little something–and when it didn’t happen after the third date–I brought it up by saying it was ok if he kissed me and then when he finally did on the 4th date, it was again just a peck and when he asked me if that was ok, I honestly didn’t know what to say..it was one of the most underwhelming kisses I ever got in my whole life! We got along great, but maybe the chemistry just wasn’t there–I was truly perplexed….

The day after our last date, he sent me an email and said he just wasn’t over his last girlfriend and he couldn’t go on dating me–I was truly stunned! He had mentioned this girl, but very little.  I would never have guessed he was still carrying such a torch for her and I thought he might be just saying that to make me feel better/let me down easy…  I did find out, however, that he was still in love with this other woman–we decided to become friends and when I spoke to him one day right after he saw her unexpectedly, I realized he was still not over her–not one bit!

Our friendship grew, and we spent time hanging out and talking–now that the sex part was no longer an issue.  In a twist of fate that usually only happens in my life, he ended up going back out with her, while still maintaining his friendship with me.  We did the stuff she didn’t want to do–go to breweries, movies and ball games–totally platonically.  It was great, and weird at the same time–he was getting disillusioned with her, but still we were always just friends. Until we weren’t..

I last saw him right after Christmas–he was going to be leaving on a trip with her in January and promised to call me when he got back…finally heard from him in mid-March, via text–like we weren’t out of touch for nearly 3 months…I have no idea if he is still with her or not–and I really don’t care.  I know that while we were friends, there was absolutely nothing we did that threatened their relationship in any way.  I just really don’t understand what role I was playing there and why he just stopped communicating. I thought I finally had the guy friend I was missing in life, but I really don’t know role I actually played.  This guy really makes me wonder if I will ever find another relationship–he was the closest I got since number 21…and it still wasn’t very far…

Lessons learned:

1. If you are not over the ex, please don’t date. It’s not fair to you or your potential partner.
2. Friends don’t use friends to make their partner’s jealous. I have no idea if this was the case, but I truly wonder
3. I may never really understand men 🙁