Monthly Archives: December 2015

Number 42…hmmm…Yet another miss….We met when I contacted him and he responded back (remember, this is not a given at all!)  He had only moved here from the midwest a few months earlier so he hadn’t been fully corrupted yet–and that is a good thing.  What do I mean by corrupted?  In southern California, the standard of beauty here is off the charts! Many women here (and many men too) spend (in my humble opinion, mind you) too much time on the outside ‘package’ and not enough on what’s inside.  I feel if you spend a lot of time dating here, your expectations start to warp and you end up looking for the perfect beach bunny with the genius IQ and incredible personality (who, in reality, just doesn’t exist–at least in sufficient quantities!) Consequently, you get into a dating rut where you are always searching for something and you never end up finding it…  Anyway, he wasn’t here long enough to be in that rut so I was happy to find him!  I had an appreciation for his mid-western values!

He traveled a lot with his job so it took awhile until we could meet up for a date but he kept e-mailing me periodically during his travels so by the time we met, I felt fairly comfortable and felt I knew a lot about him and his family.  We decided to meet at a nice restaurant for lunch. And it was nice.  Just like so many other dates–nothing was really wrong, just no sparks. Not even a sparklet.   We had a very pleasant lunch.  Just nothing beyond that.  He was leaving for another business trip and said he would call when he got back.  Still waiting. Actually, not really.  I  felt nothing.  Sigh.  This is getting old.

Lesson learned:

1. You cannot force chemistry.  Either it’s there or it’s not.  Bummer.

Unlike many others I know, I do not have a checklist or strict criteria that I follow in order to date–and I certainly don’t have a ‘type’ but…being over 50 (and, frankly, now closer to 60 than 50) I am sensitive to the age of my dates.  If you lined up all of my serious relationships in a row (but please never do this), no one would look anything alike and even personalities would differ–but everyone was within 2 years of my age and that is just my comfort zone.

On the dating sites, they always ‘encourage’ you to go outside your boundaries so you don’t miss a potential match so I am trying to do so..even K is always telling me to go a bit older to find a mate.  So I am.  And number 41 is my proof that I am doing so.  I met him on a site for ‘senior singles’–over 50’s (cannot even believe I am a senior single but I guess I am–ugh!)  He contacted me first. He was 6 years older than me, had a pleasant smile (let’s assume they were all his own teeth, ok?) but was totally white-haired–a first for me.  But I can do this..I can do this..

Well…we spoke on the phone and he had a great phone voice and we made plans to meet for lunch in a couple of days…which happened to be the day after he was having a knee replacement (I wish I was exaggerating, but no lie).  He asked me to drive since he obviously couldn’t so I picked him up at his house (which was just a few away from K’s–total coincidence)  So not only am I on my first date with a totally white-haired man, but he is completely stooped over and walking with a cane.   I know he just had surgery, but the irony of finally dating someone that much older than me and feeling like I was out on a date with my grandfather was all I could think of.

It was a nice date–we had lunch at a local place and then sat on his porch to watch the ocean–I know going to his house is not usually first date plans, but honestly, I knew I would have no problem fighting this man off should the need arise! And he was a perfect gentleman, so no fighting was necessary.  And, new boundaries or not–seeing him again was not an option for me–I can’t get serious about someone who reminds me of my grandfather…Move on!

Lessons learned:

1. Expand your boundaries. Go out of your comfort zone.  But don’t force a fit–if it works, you will know

2. Very soon after major surgery is probably not the best time for a date (and this is the second time this has happened to me–see date 12)  Take time to heal and get back to normal before you get back on that horse–you want to put your best foot forward–and without a cane, if possible..)

I try not to think of my dates as wastes of time but, frankly, many of them are…like number 40….   Again, not sure who contacted who first (but I think he contacted me) but we went back and forth a bit and then had a nice  (but brief) phone call so I thought this might have potential..silly, silly me!

The date was comfortable, even nice, except for one thing…one BIG thing!  He was an entrepreneur and he had a very  unusual business model that I won’t even pretend I understood (he even bragged about how many times he has been sued–nice, huh?) and he felt he was racing against the clock to get as much out of it before it was closed down (I kid you not!)  He didn’t even like to sleep cause it took time away from work!  And, yes, after leaving the date–he went back to his office!

I have no problem with men who work a lot.  I have no problem if you decide to work 24/7–that is your choice.  But why are you even dating?  A new relationship takes time and effort and if you don’t have either to give, do women a favor and stay out of the game!

Lesson Learned:

1. This is not my lesson but for others out there:  if you don’t have time for a new relationship–please don’t waste the time of those seriously looking!  Work can come first, but if that’s all you have time for–wait until your timing is better to date.