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I literally could be driven mad by this dating process.  Number 36 is a perfect example of my failure to understand almost anything when it comes to men.  I came across his profile and I sent him a cute note–he answered right away and we seemed to click.  I liked this one going in–even before we spoke for the first time.

We happened to speak on a day when I had just gotten my hair done.  Now if you are like most women, you hair never looks as good as it does the day it gets done–I use the same products, blow it the same way but never can seem to get it like my hairdresser does..why am I telling you this?  Because while we are taking on the phone and making plans for the next day, I casually mentioned that it’s a shame we weren’t meeting that day cause my hair looked extra good!  Much to my surprise he says why don’t we just meet tonight then?  It was around 8 pm but I’m trying to be more spontaneous (see date 38 too)  so I pretty much jumped in my car and went to meet him–not much time to stress about it at least!

Again, I am faced with meeting someone with a full beard that didn’t have more than a goatee in any of his pictures–but at least I was expecting some facial hair. I really am not a fan of facial hair in general, but so many guys have it that I can’t really make it a non-negotiatiable but I just don’t really like it.  I made a mental note to not count it against him cause there was so much more to him than his facial hair.  We had a couple of drinks and an appetizer and it was a very nice evening.  At the end of the evening, we decided to keep the original date we had for the next evening and meet again.

This time we planned to meet at a very popular local brewery known for good beer and delicious food.  As I am waiting for him, he texts me that he is running late. Since I thought we had reservations, I  decide to go to the hostess to tell her he is running late and I realize I don’t even know his last name!  This is pretty common in online dating–I would say I never got the last names of at least half the men I have gone out with.  It is a little bizarre to reach date number 2 or 3 and you don’t know the man’s full name!  Anyway, he soon arrives, we get a great table and I tell him how I was attempting to change the reservation and I didn’t even know his last name.  So he tells me. And my heart literally stops.  It is the same last name as the woman Mr. IM is seeing!  Only in my life, I tell you.  As I’m smiling at him, I am frantically trying to figure out if there is any way in hell I am dating her ex-husband and I realize (thankfully) I am not.  But really, what are the odds??

That little blip aside, we had a nice evening.  And I really thought I would see him again. What I didn’t tell you initially is that he had a very unusual (but way cool) job and he worked on one week of 12 hour shifts and then off for a week.  Due to a combination of circumstances, it would be near impossible to see him at all during his work weeks. And given the fact that he had 4 children he liked to visit that were  living  in 4 different places, it didn’t even leave a lot of time on his off weeks.  He told me he just didn’t have the time or energy for a relationship at the moment…which is fine, but why then was he on a dating site in the first place? With a profile that specifically stated he is looking for a serious relationship! Do you see what I mean about not understanding men at all??

Lessons learned:

1. Sometimes spontaneous is good–it leaves you way less time to stress about a date!

2.  If you don’t have time to date–please don’t pretend you do!  You can put in your profile that you are looking just for casual relationships–if that’s all you have time for.

Mr. 35 contacted me first.  He was a bit different ‘type’ than I usually dated, but he was nice looking and had a nice profile–he even had some pics of modeling he had done in his younger years.  The drawback–he was 5 years younger than me and I was a little concerned. (remember–no cougar instinct here!) I look fairly young for my age, and could pretty easily pass for my 40’s instead of 50’s (45-47 is usually what people say–bless them!) I decided if he didn’t care–which he said he didn’t-then I wouldn’t either!

We first arranged a phone call and he had what most US women would consider the holy grail–an English accent!  Unfortunately for him–so did my ex-husband!  So let’s just say that is not a plus in my book–in fact, it was almost enough to dissuade me from going out with him in the first place! Even more discouraging for me–there didn’t seem to be a hint of humor there–and that is a non-negotiatible in my book!  Nevertheless, we made a date to meet for coffee at yet another Starbucks…

And it was fine (again)…just fine.  He seemed like a really nice person but given his age, his accent and his lack of a sense of humor (at least what I could see)–it was not a match!  I would match him up with a friend, though, if I could think of someone he would be a good match with….hmmmm…gotta think about this one….

Lessons learned:

1.  Even if someone doesn’t match all your dating ‘criteria’, sometimes it’s good to give them a chance anyway–you never know!

2.  There is someone for everyone–the accent does nothing for me, but I know a dozen women who would love it!

So my self-imposed exile from online dating lasted about 3 months.  And it was good to take a break from the pressure. But it also was 3 months without any male companionship at all so by early January I was rested, recharged and ready to start again.  With it being about 6 months since I broke up with Mr. IM, I thought it was time to get back on Match–I was prepared that I could see him on there and I was prepared to handle it.  (right? ugh!)

Almost as soon as I got back, I came across a nice looking guy who was from back east and I sent him an e-mail.  He responded right away and we made arrangements to meet–at the exact same place I had met my last date! What can I say–I’m certainly a creature of habit.  Anyway, we met and once again–it was fine. Just fine.  I can’t even remember what we talked about, but it was just…nice.  No sparks…no fireworks….no interest.  I was actually wondering why he was on match cause he really didn’t seem very interested in dating-anybody!  Maybe he needed to take a break–I don’t know!  As you can imagine, our first date was also our last one–not the best date to break my hiatus, but given some of the dates I’ve had–not the worst either!  Number 35, you’re up!

One quick note:  By the time I got back on Match, I had been off it for over 27 months–I was honestly shocked at the number of guys who were still on it from the last time I had been there! Now maybe, like me. they were off for awhile in this time period but I just don’t know.  Anyway, it is discouraging to see the same faces from over 2 years ago–how many people are actually able to get off this damn website and find true love??  Maybe coming back was not the best idea! (oh, I have never seen Mr. IM–probably cause he’d rather stay in his bad relationship than end it and try to find a new one!)

Lesson learned:

1.  Taking a break is good, but don’t expect that much will change when you get back..you may have left for awhile, but the website goes on and on!

Dating is a tough business.  And online dating is even worse. After I have been online dating for awhile, it just gets to me.  I get tired of not hearing from those I want to hear from–and getting interest from people that I have zero interest in.  After the debacle that was date 33, I decided it was time for a break.

And it’s actually freeing to give it up… I can check my e-mail without looking to see who did (or didn’t)  write to me.  I don’t have to struggle to respond to e-mails from people I have no interest it (and it is a struggle–I’m never looking to be mean–these people deserve the same courtesy as I do from those I write to–but you try telling someone you have no interest in them in a nice way–it’s not easy at all!)  I can focus on anything else but dating–it really is good to take a break and recharge.

Not sure how long I will be off, but trying to hold out until the start of 2015–hopefully I will feel ready to dive in again at that point…we shall see!

As I sit here after 33 dates, there a only a few that really stand out….obviously the crazy ones, but there were only a few that really had an impact on me:  number 17–my first kiss in over 3 years (and the reason I started this blog), number 21–my first long-term relationship (and subsequent heartache), number  29–my chemistry-overloaded pair of dates and number 33…and here’s why….

I favorited number 33 and he saw it and contacted me..we went back and forth a bit online, but just before I was going to contact him, I kind of pulled back and decided to take a few days break…this happens a lot!  Online dating can be really difficult emotionally and sometimes you just need to pull back and take a breather.  He sent me a few texts asking me to reconsider, but I just told him I needed a break…and I took one for a few days.  Early the next month, I was back online and he saw it and contacted me.  Even though I still really wasn’t in a good dating frame of mind, I felt bad that I had blown him off the first time so I agreed to a coffee date.

Now I knew I really wasn’t in the right frame of mind for this date–I had been dating a lot with no real results and I finally realized I was just going through the motions–my heart was still not yet whole, regardless of how much I was trying to pretend it was.   Still, I mistakenly thought that more dating was the answer to getting over my heartbreak–so I went out on date after date, while never making a real connection.  Number 33 was the date that finally woke me up and made me smell the coffee–and it was at a coffee shop, no less!

This date started a bit weird–I was in the coffee place and I got a text from him asking me if I was wearing a blue dress with a sexy walk…I looked around the place and I couldn’t see him…looked outside and didn’t see him..finally responded to the text with a “where are you” and he didn’t answer right away.  I admit I was completely creeped out by now–feeling like you are being watched is very uncomfortable and not being able to find him made it worse.  A few minutes later, he comes through the door (with a full beard–unlike his completely clean-shaven picture) and says he had arrived early,  was sitting in his car in the lot and saw me walk by but wasn’t sure it was me, hence the text.  I didn’t make a big deal of it, but honestly, it was kind of creepy and it started the date off on the wrong foot–at least as far as I was concerned.

Once we met, he was very nice and friendly–the conversation flowed easily and comfortably–but I could see he was into me and I just wasn’t feeling it.  This is once of the first times it really bothered me, though, because I pretty much knew I wasn’t feeling it even before I met him due to my state of mind.  As he walked me to my car at the end of the date, he asked me “So where do you want to go next time?” to which I just said I would be in touch and let him know.  But I knew I had no intention of going out with him again and I truly felt bad.

In retrospect, I had no right going out with him or anyone else for that matter-my heart was closed and I was just wasting his time (and mine).  I feared I was becoming what is referred to as a serial dater–someone just dating for the hell of it with no intention of settling down (although they say they are).  I had to finally face what most of my friends were telling me–while my heart is still so raw, I have no business dating and I just need to take a break.

Three days after this date, I took my profile down from the dating sites I was on-I still want to find the love of my life, but it makes no sense to look right now because I’m not ready for him yet.  Damn.

Lessons learned:

1.  Don’t be a creeper–texting me like he did made me uncomfortable!  Make sure you are there before you text something like that.

2.  Take the time you need and heal before you start dating after a heartbreak.  I could have met someone who would be great for me during this period and not have even known it because I was closed off emotionally.

3.  Guess it’s time for a break….

I am making a huge effort to not just pick guys I have an attraction to, but those who have interesting profiles/backgrounds.  Enter Number 32.  He was not traditionally handsome (in my eyes), but he seemed to be very smart and well-rounded and that was attractive to me. In fact, he might have been a bit too smart…

For some reason, my dates come in clusters and this was my 3rd date in this week.  For some other reason, I never double checked my date time and I thought it was for 7 pm.  As I pull into a space at 6:45 (my usual early), my phone rings–apparently the date was for 6:30 and instead of being 15 minutes early, I am now 15 minutes late! (and I hate being late!!)   I jump out of the car and run into the meeting place–another coffee spot I had been to at least twice before.  I make my apologies and start to relax.

One of the things that really appealed to me about Mr. 32 was that he was in a band (on the side–not his main job) Now I love music and was very excited to talk music with someone who really appreciated it.  But Mr. 31 also had his PHD and he liked talking about that a bit more than he did about his music.  I imagine I would be proud if I had a PHD, but I’m not sure I would want to discuss it with strangers but maybe I would.  Anyway, the chemistry was non-existant and the date ended after an hour or so and he walked back to my car.

As soon as I got to my car, I saw I had left my lights on in my haste to get in the coffeeshop…and I just knew my engine would be dead! I didn’t, however, want him to see that so I jumped in my car and casually turned the lights off before I said good night.  He gave me a hug and walked away–and I spent the next 30 min in a near-vacant parking lot on the phone with a girlfriend while waiting for AAA to come jump start my car!  I guess the smarter my dates, the stupider I become…note to self:  keep away from the PHD’s

Lessons learned:

1.  Always double check your meeting place/time.  If I had looked at my calendar, I wouldn’t have been late and wouldn’t have rushed and, one can hope, I wouldn’t have left my lights on in my haste.  Very stupid mistake.

2.  Sometimes having 3 dates in a week is too much–it might help to space them out a bit more.

I met Number 31 on a website for more ‘mature’ daters.  Yet again here was a guy who seemed to have it all on paper–good job, similar interests and he loved dogs!  And once again my hopes were higher than they should have been..

This man lived closer to me than almost anyone else I had ever dated–literally walking distance.  Which would have been great if we clicked but also could have been weird if we didn’t–as it turned out, I’ve never come across him again so it was not an issue at all.  But being so close turned the coffee place nearest my home into the designated meeting place once again-making him the 4th person I have met here–I really have to vary my meeting places unless they are willing to give me a frequent buyer discount…

So we met in the evening for coffee.  And, like so many other dates, it was fine.  Just fine.  He seemed very sweet–the best word I can think of  is earnest. He was brand new to dating again and seemed very unsure of what to do next. I actually thought this could be a good thing because it seems the longer you date, the more jaded you get and I personally liked his newbie enthusiasm.  I sat there waiting and hoping for the sparks to hit, but nothing.  I wasn’t willing to let this one go yet, so after I thanked him for the date (via text), we did make other plans to walk our dogs together.  Figured it was a good way to get together again, especially since we lived so close.

I have to say I was a bit worried about a doggie date–my dog (who has since passed away and I miss everyday!) tended to get a bit stubborn and jealous and I just wasn’t sure how he would handle being walked with another guy and 2 other dogs.  Turns out he was an angel–it was his dogs that were the issue! Whew–you know you love it when your kid is not the one causing trouble and that’s just how I felt.  We did a bit of walking around the area but one of his dogs was just not cooperating so we cut it a bit short.  Again, nice but no sparks. Nothing.  Nada. Zip.  Really not worth going on another date again and I think he realized it.  Once again,  what seemed promising on paper–not so promising in reality.  Next?

Lesson Learned:

1.  Give someone a second shot if you think it’s worth it–I keep waiting for fireworks to hit me like they did with Mr. IM but it’s not happening–I think I need to accept that relationships can build slowly and still be great.

2.  Beware when you bring animals–if they don’t get along, it could cut a promising date short. But I do believe in the old adage that if your dog doesn’t like someone, pay attention!  Pets are sometimes better judges of character than we are!

If you read this blog, you saw how my relationship with Mr. IM started and, ultimately ended…but what you may not have known was how deeply the end of this relationship affected my life.  Here’s where I am 1 year later…

I was in love with Mr. IM.  Give better than you get love.  Do anything for him love.  Happily ever after love. The love you always dreamed that someone would feel for you.  You know, that kind of love. And I thought he loved me too.  He said he did, almost daily.  And I really believed he did, probably because I wanted him to, so much.  Truthfully, there were red flags from almost the start–plenty of them.  Since they were issues that weren’t between us but in other aspects of his life, I ignored them.   It was easier to look the other way.

Anyway, since this blog is really about me and not anyone else, I don’t feel like I can go into these issues.  But they were there and, as I said,  I looked the other way.  The funny thing is, I don’t think those outside issues were what broke us up in the first place. The biggest personal issue we had was our different perspectives on love.  I have come to realize that I love fully and deeply.  In other words, I am an all-in person.   And I just don’t think Mr. IM knew how to match me.  He had a history of peripheral relationships based on sex and sexual attraction and I knew it.  I though I was the one to show him true partnership and love. Talk about ego–I really thought I could change a lifetime of behavior cause he was now with me.   I truly did.   It did work, for 19 months…but I now realize it was just a matter of time until we imploded.

And implode we did. And I was crushed. Battered. Destroyed. Every beaten down adjective that you can name…that’s how I felt.  I’m not even sure how he did it, but he picked right up and started with someone new.  And I have spent the last year (yes, it is one year today) trying to pick up the pieces.  I guess a consequence of loving deeply is the amount of time it takes you to get past it–especially when you didn’t see the end coming in the first place.  The first couple of months were truly difficult for me to even function, never mind try to date.  I spent so much time with him, I had gaping holes in my life to fill and it took every bit of my energy to just get through those first few months.  I leaned, very heavily, on my kids and my friends–I truly don’t know what I would have done had I not had the support system I had.  I don’t even like to go there.

So here I am at the 1 year point.  I have come so far.  I don’t cry anymore when I say his name.  I have gone out with 26 different men–some multiple times. I thought I came close to finding another relationship a couple of times, but none have worked out like I want as of yet.  I have made some great new friends–both male and female.  I found new interests that I have really enjoyed.  I have rediscovered some activities that were once a big part of my life and are once again. Many weeks I have more things to do than I have the time to do them.  I have learned a lot about myself–good and bad. I have put my shattered heart back together again with crazy glue and duct tape and it still beats.

He still calls, occasionally.  And it still makes my heart beat so fast that my mind races and I can’t even think clearly.  He has told me 3 different times how much he regrets losing me–but somehow he is still in the same relationship he left me for so I guess I’m more replaceable than I’d hoped I was.  He wants to be friends but I’m just not there yet and I don’t know if I will ever be.  In case you are wondering what my point is here–life does go on.  Even when you can’t imagine that it will, it does.  Cause there were days for me where it was hard to even  breathe.  I still believe I will find someone who will love me deeply and unwaveringly.  For who I really am on the inside, not just on the outside.  You know, just like I loved him.

Lessons Learned:

1. I have said this before–heed the red flags!  Trust your instincts–they usually will serve you well.

2.  Go into love with your eyes open–make sure the one you love can love you the way you need to be loved.  If you are not a match here, it will never work out in the long term.

3.  Don’t get lost in your love..keep your friends and family as part of your life.  If you get alienated and things don’t work out, you will be truly alone.

4.  Life goes on. It takes awhile, but it does…

Number 30…the dates are just flying by now!  I am embarrassed here–I think I have a pretty good memory (need someone who know inconsequential trivia on your team–I’m your girl!) but some of these dates are so, um, bland that I just don’t remember much about them at all!  Coming after the excitement of number 29 probably didn’t help Mr. 30, but I still just don’t remember much.

I think we met after I wrote to him and he responded–but even this I’m not sure about!  I do remember speaking to him on the phone and feeling a real ‘click’ due to a number of similarities we had in our lives–duration of our marriages, ethnic background, children–among others.  We then followed that conversation with some playful texting. But you know this already–success during the pre-date interaction is not necessarily indicative of a successful date…ugh!!

We met at a local bar–he did look like his picture, just considerably shorter than he said he was.  Why do men do this?  My friends and I usually subtract at least an inch from every man’s given height for the ’embellishment’ factor, but many are even shorter than that!  Here’s how I know–I am 5′ 3 and I wear shoes up to 4 inches–making me no more than 5’7–if you tell me you are 5’10, I should not be able to look you in the eye…and many times I can–that’s how I know! Truth, people!  It’s like using pictures that are 10 years old–once you meet, your date is going to be able to figure it out–assuming they can even pick you out of the crowd in the first place! (and I had one of these coming up!) Anyway, just tell the freaking truth and own whatever you are!

So as I was saying, we met at at happy hour..and there were multiple drink and food specials and I settled in with a $4 margarita–which I nursed for almost 3 hours!  I was starving and every time the waitress came over to see if we wanted anything, he waved her off.  When you meet someone at 4pm and keep them there until 7pm, I think you have an obligation to at least offer them food–I mean the tacos were like $3–if you can’t afford a $4 drink and a $3 taco, perhaps you should do your dates elsewhere.  Just sayin.

As you can tell, the date was not the most successful even though it lasted 3 hours…truthfully, I liked him a lot better when we texted…probably not a good thing!  Never heard a thing from him after I left…next….

One last note:  I truly believe that by the end of this process (just please tell me there is an end!), I will have heard everything you can possibly imagine–and probably some things you never imagined!  During the course of many of these dates, you usually will discuss what happened that ended your marriage.  As Number 30 is telling me his story, he talks about meeting another couple and then becoming close with them.  In my head I am already writing the ending: Mrs. 30 and this new man have an affair that ends the marriage.  Well, I was half right: Mrs. 30 did have an affair with the new man…as a threesome with his wife!  Wow–I did not see that coming!  Mrs 30 now lives with the man and his wife and they are all in love–I honestly didn’t even know how to reply to that!  Really not much you could say to shock me anymore!

Lesson learned:

1.  Truth… Tell it. Live it. Own it.  Anything physical is obvious at the first meeting and it’s best to have it out there before you meet.

2.  If you date over 1.5 hours over dinner time, offer your date the opportunity to eat.  It’s only right, especially if you are drinking.  Again, if you are afraid of the cost, don’t meet during dinner time in a restaurant–easy as that.

3.  If you don’t intend to go out with your date again, you can probably end the date after 1-1.5 hours.  Extending beyond 2 hours if you are not feeling a connection is pretty much wasting time for both of you.

4.  Don’t overshare.  I guess I am easy to talk to, because guys tell me the craziest stuff! It’s only a first date…let’s save a little crazy for the second date, ok?

My mom would be horrified about what I post on this blog.  At least she would be if she reads this blog.  But I think I’m safe because I don’t think she does.  As a matter of fact, I don’t really know if anyone does–except whoever is reading this post at the moment–thank you!

I started writing this blog as therapy after a frustrating date as a way for me to work through some of the emotions that dating (especially online) brings up at my age (52 when I started).  Although you can find endless books on dating and relationship advice (just search it on Amazon), I still felt very alone and isolated  and writing helped me deal with those feelings.  I also thought, maybe foolishly, that my experiences–the good, the bad and the crazy–might help someone else going through the same thing understand that they may not be crazy after all:  it’s the process that’s crazy!

That being said, honesty is a key element to keep this blog real.  I really hesitated to give the gory details of date #29 but in the end realized that honesty is vital to me.  Not sharing the whole story of that date just wouldn’t be honest in my book and I had to sacrifice my dignity to maintain my integrity.  So there it is…my truth for your entertainment value. And hopefully you can learn from my mistakes.  And, even more hopefully, I can actually meet the right guy and stop making stupid mistakes…but don’t despair–I have many more bad dates to document yet.  The fun continues….

Date 29/Take 2: The walk of shame…. 

Did I ever tell you how much I enjoy online dating? No? It’s because I don’t.  Not even a little. You know why? Because of dates like Mr. 28….wtf???

He was my only date on an ethnic-specific site that I was on for a very short time. Yes, there are sites to attract certain ethnicities–although, technically, anyone can use them. What can I say–I was trying to date a homeboy, since I’d had so much luck dating everyone else.  Don’t worry, this was a short-lived experiment after this date. I wrote to him and he answered fairly quickly–while telling me that he had received numerous e-mails and mine was the only one he answered–because we were both from back east and he appreciated that people from that part of the country were ‘real’ and that’s what he was looking for…good start, right?

We spoke on the phone first and it went well.  Very well, in fact.  I liked his voice and his energy.  We talked a lot about ‘home’ and how different it was living in California.  We agreed many people here are not what they seem and how much more ‘real’ people from our neck of the woods are.  Again, with the ‘real’.  Like you do what you say you’ll do–honest and forthright.  I have to admit I was looking forward to this one.

Well, continuing my trend of Starbucks dates, we met for coffee.  And it went well, for the most part.  He was physically what I expected, if you don’t count that he had 2 ‘bad’ knees and he walked very strangely. Hey, body parts are pretty interchangeable these days so even that didn’t bother me.  We spoke a lot about living back east–he even had a plan to live there 6 months and live here the other 6.  I could easily see myself doing that–again, so far so good.  In keeping with the ‘real-ness’ of  ‘our’ kind, he told me that doing business here was so different because he would do business on a handshake back east and not worry about it but here he felt things were just not so honest.  He harped on this difference–men back east had integrity that seemed to be missing in So Cal. So what is not to love??

He walked me to my car, while specifically asking me where I wanted to meet for dinner for our next date.  He promised to call within 2 days to set it up.  The man who couldn’t stop saying how ‘real’ he was. I am still waiting.  I think he has been living in So Cal too long.  I did actually send him a note after a week telling him that I was pretty surprised that someone who preached integrity just disappeared like that–still waiting for a answer here too.

Lessons learned:

1.  If you are going to talk the talk, then walk the walk.  Don’t harp on how honest you are if you are going to lie to my face.  Not cool at all.

2.  Reread number 1.  Is it really that hard to be honest these days??

This is slightly embarrassing….I really don’t remember anything about number 27!  I know the site we met on, I know he contacted me first (he is not someone I would have ever contacted first–but in the interest of opening up myself to possibilities, I did agree to meet him)  I don’t remember talking before the date and I barely remember the date–but I do remember it was coffee at a new-to-me Starbucks–woo hoo!  I know he knew a lot about music and had been to many concerts and I remember he got into some kind of car trouble on the way to the date (he ran over something in the road and damaged under his car) but, for the life of me, I really don’t remember anything about him, besides his name.  Sorry, Mr. 27!

Lessons learned:

1.  Even meeting someone in person doesn’t guarantee you will have any connection at all–even cursory!

2.  Bring a tape recorder to remember your dates? lol

I met number 26 on a site I had never tired before that was specific to my religion–it was a site I hadn’t been on for long and I was a little uncomfortable using because I didn’t know if it would attract only ‘hard-core’ religious men.  The site itself was a bit strange because it asked you specific yes/no questions about your religious beliefs–including whether you believed in sex outside of marriage (and I really want to know if the guys that put no actually would stick to that or if it was just for show)  I have to admit it was a bit funny to see men agree with every question on there, (and I think there were 7 ) until they get to the sex before marriage one!

We wrote back a forth a bit and then he gave me his number–we spoke and it seemed to go ok…then we texted..and he asked for more pictures (I only had one on the site because I was really just checking it out).  When we were talking about working out (and I do–often)  he then made some kind of comment about a bikini body–now, my bikini days are long gone at age 54 and I’m fine with that…but it didn’t sit well with me and made me really wonder about what he was really looking for. (Important note here:  he was 57-58, with an very average build so we are not talking about a washboard ab guy here–if he were a woman, he would not have had a bikini body either!) Anyway, I am not at all interested in someone who is all about the looks–and it was beginning to seem like that’s where he was coming from!  Arghh!

Not really feeling it, but I did agree to meet him for coffee after church on a Sunday morning.  Upon meeting I could tell, right away, that this wasn’t a match–we spoke for awhile, but he seemed completely distracted and uninterested.  We spent most of the time talking about his ex-girlfriend (who was on television and was recognized when they went out together) and you could just tell he hadn’t been a priority in her life and he did not like that at all–but apparently she was ‘smoking hot’, so I suppose he put up with it for a time! Anyway, it was quick and relatively painless, but nothing.  And the first (and last) man I went out with on that site….next!

As a side note:  this particular man contacted my twice more at later points (on another site) just ‘checking in’–and I come to find out that the time I saw him was just during a ‘break’ with this particular girlfriend–who he was still seeing until about 5 months after our date–until she dumped him for good.  It does explain a bit…

Lessons learned:

1.  If you have pictures on a site, there is no really good reason to send someone more…I do regret that I did

2.  Looks are important.  Looks are unimportant.  Both are true–you need to have some degree of ‘spark’, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder–if you don’t have ‘the look’ that someone is searching for, move on and don’t take it personally–don’t ever feel like you are not good enough for anyone!

3.  Beware of men on ‘breaks’ (although I didn’t know this was the case at the time) If they are still connected to someone else, more likely than not, they are in no way able to make a connection with you

4.  Some (and I dare say many) men will put up with almost anything for a smoking hot woman–this has been demonstrated to me over and over again.  Ugh!