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You meet a lot of different kinds of men when you are actively dating….some are very good looking, some are average.  Some are in great shape, some not so much. Some are very successful, some not as successful.  You get the picture–all kinds of men are out there.  Well, number 49 was not particularly attractive (at least to me) or in shape but he was very, shall we say, confident?

Now, confidence is usually a good thing–you need to believe it to be it and stuff like that but….this kind of confidence came off as condescending.  Like he was better than everyone else…and he knew it. And wanted to make sure I knew it too. Except I didn’t really care, cause I felt like he was acting like a jerk and I couldn’t wait to end this date!

He started by telling me what a good college he went to and  I’m thinking, ‘Dude, you went to college in the 70’s–can we get a little more recent?’ And he didn’t stop talking. About himself. And his life. And his business. I don’t always talk a lot on a first date because I want to hear about my date’s stories, but I couldn’t even get a word in edgewise.  This was not a fun one!

I graciously ended it at about 1 hr 15 min, cause, honestly–I just didn’t want to hear anymore!  I guess I didn’t appear impressed enough, cause I never heard from him again–thankfully!

Lessons learned:

1. Confidence is good, but endless bragging–not so good.  Find the balance!
2. Remember there are 2 people on this date–let your date speak too!

The more I date, the less I understand men. Truly. You would think I would have gained some great insights into how the male mind works, but I have not. There is still so much of this process that I just don’t get…like Mr. 48..

I think I approached him, but I’m not completely sure.  Anyway, he was receptive   right way to corresponding and making a connection. We sent a few e-mails, had a great conversation on the phone (where he was joking he was ready to marry me based on our similarities) and then continued texting for a couple of days before we met. We planned to meet at a local restaurant for dinner and I was actually looking forward to meeting…you would think I would know better by now!

By now, I have become a pro (well, maybe semi-pro) at reading my date’s body language. And his language was just saying no. It was a pleasant (there’s that word again!) conversation, but I was not feeling anything coming from his side of the table.  Not that I was blown out of the water myself–it’s hard to get excited by someone who just doesn’t seem engaged at all..check please!

He paid the bill (yes, I offered) and there was obviously no risk of a good night kiss so we parted ways. Pleasantly. Ugh.

Lesson learned:

1. I hate to say ‘fake it’ but don’t check out until the date is over. You owe your date that much.
2. Never accept a marriage proposal before a first meeting–it’s probably insincere (ya think??)

What do love and death have to do with dating in your 50’s? I pondered this today when I first heard about a death, followed shortly by learning about an engagement.  Well, the love part is obvious—it’s the brass ring, the pot of gold that we are all ( well, mostly all) are looking for.  But death?  I would say that most of us are not looking for that, although it will find us anyway….as they say (and again, who are ‘they’ anyway?) the only certainties in life are death and taxes.  And while most of us don’t like taxes, it’s pretty safe to say we prefer it to death any day…

Love and death are more related than you might think…the stronger feelings you have for someone, the more you are affected by their death.  When you are dating in your 50’s and beyond, if you are lucky enough to find a true life-long partner, it will probably be death that ultimately separates you. Mortality is looming. Ugh. It’s enough to make you never want to love someone again, just so you don’t have to endure their loss—and I’m sure there are people that feel exactly this way. They shut themselves off from ever getting close to anyone, so they don’t have to worry about losing that love. I think that’s a very lonely way to live—you might as well wrap yourself in bubble wrap and never leave the house!

For the brave ones (now  some might say foolish, but I’m sticking with brave), you put yourself out there anyway.  You take the awkward phone calls and the bad dates and you carry on. You hope with all your heart the next one will be the last one.  You leap without a net in sight. You believe the end justifies the means. Cause what you are looking for is worth whatever  struggle it takes to get there. It’s the brass ring. The pot of gold. A true partner. A soul mate. Someone to love who loves you back.

Which brings us back to death (sorry for the buzz kill). Maybe you can defy the odds and find true love (although my odds are greater that I’ll be killed by a terrorist, thank you, Newsweek)  But it does happen. I’ve seen it first hand.  The engagement I mentioned was one of my closest friends.  She and her guy really are a great couple.  Does she stop to think how much time she has with him? No. She just loves him and tries to make everyday special. They have each other.  And three dogs. Life is good.

So if you are one of the lucky ones who defies the odds and finds true and lasting love, learn from my friend. Enjoy what you have while you have it. Have fun. Make memories. Just love each other. Even though one day, hopefully in the much distant future, one of you will die first. And the one left behind will be devastated.  But the time you had together will live in your heart forever. And it will have been worth it. <3

Every date is not memorable. That’s a fact. It is nice, however, to be remembered at least a little–but it doesn’t always happen that way.  Meet Mr. 47…

He contacted me on my go-to site. He was a bit older than I like, but he was pleasant looking, local and a doctor.  We corresponded a bit and then decided to meet for a burger at a local casual burger spot.  I know dinner is not the first date of choice, but I figured a burger could go quick if the date took a turn for the worst!

It was a nice date. We had a few things in common and the conversation flowed pretty comfortably. We met much earlier than usual and I got the impression he might have had another date after ours–especially when he didn’t ask me for a followup at the end of the evening.  I drove home figuring I wouldn’t be hearing from him again and was feeling ok about that.

Much to my surprise, I get a text the next day that just says pizza today?(no name or anything else so I even wondered if it was really for me!) As it turned out (and I had told him as well) I was going to see the Rolling Stones in concert and I wasn’t about to pass that up for a date so I politely  declined and asked for a rain check….and never heard from him again…kind of…..

Two things happened after that date:   About 3 weeks later (after not hearing from him again and figuring I wasn’t going to) I sent him an e-mail asking if he was interested in meeting a friend of mine who I thought would be a good match for him–I have no problem fixing dates up with my friends if we are going nowhere–but he never even answered.  And then, about 6 months later….he writes to me again on the dating site–but has no idea that we even had gone out!  I guess I am not as memorable as I hoped I was! (but I must at least be close to his ‘type’ since he approached me twice).  I did let him know that we had already gone out–and I never heard from him again. Next…..

Lessons learned:

1.  You cannot take it personal! I can’t say this enough–you need a backbone made of steel if you are going to go through online dating!
2. I see no problem in trying to fix up dates with others you think might be a match–if they don’t bite, that is just their loss.

Hmm….number 46…here I took a BIG step out of my comfort zone (more like a giant leap!) and actually asked out this man myself…but I will explain!

I met Mr 46 when I attended a tailgate at a sporting event.  He was pleasant , but didn’t seem to pay too much attention to me but there was something about him that really clicked with me. The tailgate ended, the game began and we all went to our respective seats. A couple of days later I realized he was on Facebook and I friended him.   No big deal, right?

As his fb friend, I got a great sense of what he was all about and I really liked it! He was funny and kind and had a social conscious–it only intensified the click I felt. Feeling at a deadend with dating services, I figured why not go for it and ask him out myself. So I did. On an instant fb message. It was certainly a leap, and something I’d never done before. (or since, actually!)

But it worked, sort of. We did go out to brunch and while I knew he lived over 2 hours away, I didn’t know he had no plans to move here anytime soon–certainly not a great way to start a relationship.  We parted amicably  and I went back to dating services. But we ended up being friends and attending other sporting events together as part of a bigger group–but he still lives far away and I still think he’s awesome. Sigh.

Lessons learned:

1. Take a risk–no guts, no glory
2. Long distance relationships are tough–especially if you start out that way!
3. There may still be some good guys left out there

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The more I date, the less I learn about men.  Really.  Just one little word, taken out of context, could put the brakes on a second date…allow me to explain (or attempt to explain) Mr. 45…..

We met online–I think I may have contacted him first, but I’m really not sure (I have to make more of an effort to write about these dates right after they happen–I am getting too old to remember these details–ugh!).  It wasn’t really a physical attraction, per se, but he looked like a man who enjoyed doing fun stuff and I was really attracted to that. He also looked like he had a charitable side, and I was attracted to that.  And he liked dogs. But also looked quite hairy–and I was not attracted to that–but I was willing to meet him and see how we meshed in person.

We decided to meet for dinner in a local restaurant that I had been wanting to try–again, not a real fan of the dinner date, but it was ok.  He was nice and personable and while it wasn’t a love connection, I would have gone out on a second date to get to know him a little better and see where things can go from there….but we never got the chance!

A couple of days after our date, he texted me telling me about his weekend.  At the time he texted me, I was taking a relaxing bath (I don’t do it often, but when I do–I just like to relax).  Because my hands were wet (and I live in constant fear of dropping my phone in a bath, toilet or other body of water), I only typed back “nice” as a reply.  No sarcasm, just nice.  Well, that is obviously a trigger word for him cause he just answered with “I’m sorry, I won’t bother you”

When I dried off and attempted to explain that I was taking a bath and couldn’t really elaborate he just said he took it that I was busy or didn’t want to chat..I answered that I would tell him if that was so….and I never heard from him again! I imagine ‘nice’ is a trigger for him–too bad it’s a quality I really am searching for….next!

Lessons learned:

1.  If you have a trigger, you might want to work on that–what ‘nice’ meant to me and what ‘nice’ obviously meant to him were two different things.  Lots of room for confusion there.
2. Do not feel the need to answer a text immediately if you are doing something else–if I had waited, I might have given a longer response (although I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before I said ‘nice’ to something and he would have flipped out anyway!)
3. I will probably never understand men

“

Even after all this time, I still can’t believe some of the things my dates say to me on (or prior to) a first date.  Truly personal things.  Things I would just rather not hear on a first date (and, honestly, sometimes I don’t ever want to know them)  Allow me to introduce date number 44.

We met on the site for mature daters, when he contacted me. I wasn’t actually interested at first, but trying to stay open minded, open my parameters, blah blah blah…you know the routine…. We spoke on the phone and made a date for coffee–at a place I’d never actually been to–imagine that!

We met and it was ok–he appeared quite a bit older in person and I wasn’t really interested but figured I would see what he had to say before I wrote him off.  My mistake. What he had to say was the whole sordid story of the end of his marriage.  How his wife screwed him royally.  How he lost his job and all his money. How he hated her. It was just too much–I think I lasted about an hour and then needed to go. I’d heard sob stories before, but this one was just over the top.  He was still so angry. He was not ready to move on–he still had a lot to work out before he was ready to date.

I’m hoping he realized it too, cause the next day he wrote me a note and told me he thought that maybe he was not ready to date yet ( ya think??) and he apologized for venting to me.  Maybe he just needed someone to listen–but what he didn’t need was another relationship at this time–of that I am sure!   Did he really stay offline and work on himself–I’m not sure, cause I left that website–but I sure hope he did. Sometimes I feel I need a psychology degree–or maybe my dates just need a psychologist!

Lessons learned:

1. Please don’t vent to your dates–it’s awkward, uncomfortable and just not fun to listen to.  Really.
2. Don’t date before you are ready. Don’t date before you are ready. Don’t date before you are ready.  Did you get that??

Ah, number 43….this guy epitomizes why I will never understand men–or the dating process…  I met 43 on match when I wrote to him and he answered right away..I liked what I saw in his profile and he seemed like a great guy.  We made a date at Starbucks–should I be asking for a frequent dater discount??

As soon as I saw him, I  felt I saw something in his eyes that made me feel like he was really happy to meet me.  Like I didn’t disappoint him. It may sound weird, but sometimes you just see in someone’s eyes that you are not what they are looking for, and then you have to go through the whole date already knowing the outcome.  When he first looked at me, I really felt like he was happy to see me.  You probably won’t understand this if it has never happened to you–I was just happy to see it right from the start. This date had potential.

Coffee went great and we immediately made a second date..which went great…and then a third…and then a fourth.  All in the span of 8 days!  Ok, this guy must really like me–we had lots in common, lots to talk about and I thought we were doing great.  There was just nothing physical. I mean, he would hug me goodnight, but not even try to kiss me, more than a peck on the cheek. The first couple of dates I was ok with this, cause honestly–there is nothing more awkward than a first kiss when you are just not looking to kiss. But after the first 2 dates, I admit I was ready for a little something–and when it didn’t happen after the third date–I brought it up by saying it was ok if he kissed me and then when he finally did on the 4th date, it was again just a peck and when he asked me if that was ok, I honestly didn’t know what to say..it was one of the most underwhelming kisses I ever got in my whole life! We got along great, but maybe the chemistry just wasn’t there–I was truly perplexed….

The day after our last date, he sent me an email and said he just wasn’t over his last girlfriend and he couldn’t go on dating me–I was truly stunned! He had mentioned this girl, but very little.  I would never have guessed he was still carrying such a torch for her and I thought he might be just saying that to make me feel better/let me down easy…  I did find out, however, that he was still in love with this other woman–we decided to become friends and when I spoke to him one day right after he saw her unexpectedly, I realized he was still not over her–not one bit!

Our friendship grew, and we spent time hanging out and talking–now that the sex part was no longer an issue.  In a twist of fate that usually only happens in my life, he ended up going back out with her, while still maintaining his friendship with me.  We did the stuff she didn’t want to do–go to breweries, movies and ball games–totally platonically.  It was great, and weird at the same time–he was getting disillusioned with her, but still we were always just friends. Until we weren’t..

I last saw him right after Christmas–he was going to be leaving on a trip with her in January and promised to call me when he got back…finally heard from him in mid-March, via text–like we weren’t out of touch for nearly 3 months…I have no idea if he is still with her or not–and I really don’t care.  I know that while we were friends, there was absolutely nothing we did that threatened their relationship in any way.  I just really don’t understand what role I was playing there and why he just stopped communicating. I thought I finally had the guy friend I was missing in life, but I really don’t know role I actually played.  This guy really makes me wonder if I will ever find another relationship–he was the closest I got since number 21…and it still wasn’t very far…

Lessons learned:

1. If you are not over the ex, please don’t date. It’s not fair to you or your potential partner.
2. Friends don’t use friends to make their partner’s jealous. I have no idea if this was the case, but I truly wonder
3. I may never really understand men 🙁

Number 42…hmmm…Yet another miss….We met when I contacted him and he responded back (remember, this is not a given at all!)  He had only moved here from the midwest a few months earlier so he hadn’t been fully corrupted yet–and that is a good thing.  What do I mean by corrupted?  In southern California, the standard of beauty here is off the charts! Many women here (and many men too) spend (in my humble opinion, mind you) too much time on the outside ‘package’ and not enough on what’s inside.  I feel if you spend a lot of time dating here, your expectations start to warp and you end up looking for the perfect beach bunny with the genius IQ and incredible personality (who, in reality, just doesn’t exist–at least in sufficient quantities!) Consequently, you get into a dating rut where you are always searching for something and you never end up finding it…  Anyway, he wasn’t here long enough to be in that rut so I was happy to find him!  I had an appreciation for his mid-western values!

He traveled a lot with his job so it took awhile until we could meet up for a date but he kept e-mailing me periodically during his travels so by the time we met, I felt fairly comfortable and felt I knew a lot about him and his family.  We decided to meet at a nice restaurant for lunch. And it was nice.  Just like so many other dates–nothing was really wrong, just no sparks. Not even a sparklet.   We had a very pleasant lunch.  Just nothing beyond that.  He was leaving for another business trip and said he would call when he got back.  Still waiting. Actually, not really.  I  felt nothing.  Sigh.  This is getting old.

Lesson learned:

1. You cannot force chemistry.  Either it’s there or it’s not.  Bummer.

Unlike many others I know, I do not have a checklist or strict criteria that I follow in order to date–and I certainly don’t have a ‘type’ but…being over 50 (and, frankly, now closer to 60 than 50) I am sensitive to the age of my dates.  If you lined up all of my serious relationships in a row (but please never do this), no one would look anything alike and even personalities would differ–but everyone was within 2 years of my age and that is just my comfort zone.

On the dating sites, they always ‘encourage’ you to go outside your boundaries so you don’t miss a potential match so I am trying to do so..even K is always telling me to go a bit older to find a mate.  So I am.  And number 41 is my proof that I am doing so.  I met him on a site for ‘senior singles’–over 50’s (cannot even believe I am a senior single but I guess I am–ugh!)  He contacted me first. He was 6 years older than me, had a pleasant smile (let’s assume they were all his own teeth, ok?) but was totally white-haired–a first for me.  But I can do this..I can do this..

Well…we spoke on the phone and he had a great phone voice and we made plans to meet for lunch in a couple of days…which happened to be the day after he was having a knee replacement (I wish I was exaggerating, but no lie).  He asked me to drive since he obviously couldn’t so I picked him up at his house (which was just a few away from K’s–total coincidence)  So not only am I on my first date with a totally white-haired man, but he is completely stooped over and walking with a cane.   I know he just had surgery, but the irony of finally dating someone that much older than me and feeling like I was out on a date with my grandfather was all I could think of.

It was a nice date–we had lunch at a local place and then sat on his porch to watch the ocean–I know going to his house is not usually first date plans, but honestly, I knew I would have no problem fighting this man off should the need arise! And he was a perfect gentleman, so no fighting was necessary.  And, new boundaries or not–seeing him again was not an option for me–I can’t get serious about someone who reminds me of my grandfather…Move on!

Lessons learned:

1. Expand your boundaries. Go out of your comfort zone.  But don’t force a fit–if it works, you will know

2. Very soon after major surgery is probably not the best time for a date (and this is the second time this has happened to me–see date 12)  Take time to heal and get back to normal before you get back on that horse–you want to put your best foot forward–and without a cane, if possible..)

I try not to think of my dates as wastes of time but, frankly, many of them are…like number 40….   Again, not sure who contacted who first (but I think he contacted me) but we went back and forth a bit and then had a nice  (but brief) phone call so I thought this might have potential..silly, silly me!

The date was comfortable, even nice, except for one thing…one BIG thing!  He was an entrepreneur and he had a very  unusual business model that I won’t even pretend I understood (he even bragged about how many times he has been sued–nice, huh?) and he felt he was racing against the clock to get as much out of it before it was closed down (I kid you not!)  He didn’t even like to sleep cause it took time away from work!  And, yes, after leaving the date–he went back to his office!

I have no problem with men who work a lot.  I have no problem if you decide to work 24/7–that is your choice.  But why are you even dating?  A new relationship takes time and effort and if you don’t have either to give, do women a favor and stay out of the game!

Lesson Learned:

1. This is not my lesson but for others out there:  if you don’t have time for a new relationship–please don’t waste the time of those seriously looking!  Work can come first, but if that’s all you have time for–wait until your timing is better to date.

Well, number 39 was just another date that seemed to fade away almost as soon as we said goodnight… I’m not completely sure where I met him, but I know he contacted me first.  I wasn’t especially interested/attracted, but I am trying to expand my horizons and not just dismiss people at first glance, so I agreed to meet.  The only thing that was a bit weird was that it appeared that one of his kids (he was a single dad of 4 teens–that got my respect pretty quick!) went to school with my daughter.  It makes me nervous when our kids could intersect cause my daughter is so weird about that.  To avoid any issues, I sent her a copy of the picture of the kid I thought went to school with her but she didn’t know him so I was clear to potentially date his dad.

The date was fine, again–really.  We went to a bar nearby that was totally empty for the first 45 minutes we were there and that was a little weird. But there was no chemistry there–at all.  He would say something. I would say something. Awkward silence.  That’s pretty much how it went.  He said he would call me, but I was pretty sure he would not.  And I was right.

Lessons learned:

1.  Whenever you are a parent who dates, it does give you an additional set of rules to follow depending on the ages of your kids.  Once they are old enough to care, their opinion does start to matter–like it or not!

2.  You can’t force chemistry–either it’s there or it’s not….

I imagine you must be wondering what an avocado tree has to do with dating?  Well, I will tell you….

I decided I wanted fruit trees when I moved back to California.  I bought orange, lemon, tangerine, lime and avocado trees and set them up in my backyard.  I watered them faithfully.  I fertilized them as recommended.  They grew bigger every season.  And every season I got lemons, oranges, limes and tangerines.  And not one avocado.  I asked friends what to do to get my avocado tree to produce and it was suggested I get a second tree cause avocados do better in pairs.  So I did–until that second one died!  And still not a single avocado.

At this point I was dating Mr IM and I kept on showing him the tree every time it got a leaf bud on it and telling him that was an avocado.  But it was not–they were just leaves.  Years passed–I have had some of those trees for nearly 5 years now–like my avocado.  And you know what–I looked at my tree a couple of weeks ago and finally–I have avocados!  Like 12 of them!  I wanted to do a happy dance!

I had pretty much resigned myself to having an avocado tree that would never produce–even though I treated it with the same care I did all my other trees that produced many times over.  I guess it just needed to take its time and bloom when it was ready to–not on my schedule.  And what does this have to do with dating–well, everything!  You put your time in. You do all the right things and you still don’t see results…and then one day, boom! Things finally click.  You find your person. And you eat fresh guacamole together.   At least that’s how I want to see it….

By the time I got to number 38, I had been on a number of dates in a relatively short amount of time. Since almost all of my dates involve initially speaking on the phone, I sometimes have trouble keeping the numbers straight when they are not set as a contact–but I have this thing where I feel that someone has to ‘earn’ their way into my address book.  Since you have heard what most of my dates are like, you know how few of them ever ended up as permanent contacts….luckily, I can usually tell who is who by the texting associated with each number and this system works–well, most of the time anyway!

Number 38 first contacted me  from the site for ‘mature’ daters.  I have to admit that after reading his profile, I really couldn’t see where we matched at all–which is exactly what I wrote to him in response to initial e-mail.  He said that even though our likes weren’t too similar (sci-fi? not my cup of tea), he really wanted to meet me because I seemed to have more of a brain in my head than most of the women on this particular site.  We ended up speaking on the phone one Saturday night and impulsively decided to meet that night at 9:30 at a sports bar very close to my home.

I had never been to that particular bar because it is very close to a nearby university and I felt it was a college hangout–well, I was right!  When I tell you that we looked like the chaperones, I’m really not joking.  It was more than a bit uncomfortable for me, but we made light of it and tried to get to know each other.  I found out that he is just separated, not divorced–this is territory I really don’t like to go into so I wanted to find out when he was expecting to be divorced. Much to my surprise, I discovered that due to the cost of covering his wife’s insurance, he had no plans to get divorced cause he would save quite a bit staying married.  He assured me they lived completely separate lives and had for a couple of years, but in my head he was still a married man and I didn’t feel comfortable with that at all.  Honestly, the date was over for me at that point and when we said our goodbyes, I was fully expecting that was it.

Well….remember how I said I was dating a lot in a short amount of time?  And how I didn’t put contact info in my phone?  To make a long story short–he texted me a week later and asked me to the movies–and I thought it was someone else and I said yes–I didn’t realize it was him!  So what did I do–since I couldn’t figure out how to tell him how I mixed him up with another date and just blowing him off wasn’t my style–I went through with it.  So now I have a movie date with this (in my mind) still married man!

We started this date at a bar for happy hour–much better choice than the first place!  We walked over to the movie theater from the bar and I felt like he wanted to hold my hand but I just didn’t want to go there. Then we get to the movies–and before he sits down, he lifts the seat arm from between our chairs to make it more ‘cozy’ but I am just not into it.  As we watched the movie (which was terrible, by the way), he kept on putting his hand on my leg and I kept on pulling it away (at least as far away as I could in the seat!).  At the end of the movie, he walks me back to my car and stands there, expecting a kiss.  There was not even a tiny part of me that wanted to kiss him, so I gave him a peck and got in my car to leave, cursing myself for mixing up people and having to go through that date at all!

The next day he texts me that he expects a physical relationship to be part of the deal and I appeared to have trouble with physical contact (um, not really, just ask number 29 ugh) I replied that I was fine with physical contact, but you have to give me a bit of time to get there–and since this was pretty much a first date, I just wasn’t there yet (not to mention he was still married in my eyes–but I kept that part to myself!) He said he saw what I meant and would call me again–which, thankfully, he did not–cause I wasn’t going to mix him up and make the same mistake again!  Ugh-again!

Lessons learned:

1.  Try to keep people straight–it really is problematic when you don’t!

2.  I should have just told him that without any kind of divorce plans, he was still married in my eyes and I wasn’t interested. That was my bad.

3.  Don’t engage in physical touching if you are not feeling it–I felt even giving him a good night kiss would be leading him on since I knew I had no interest.

By the time I got to Mr. 37, I have been dating pretty steadily for a couple of weeks and I am already getting tired of it!  When Mr. 37 contacted me, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go out with him, but in the spirit of ‘you can’t win if you don’t play” I said yes.  After speaking briefly on the phone, we make arrangements to meet at a park near my home to walk our dogs.  At this point, my beloved first dog (that went on my last dog date) had passed away and I had a new rescue dog to bring with me.  It was supposed to be a beautiful day and I thought it would be a nice change of pace, dating wise that is.

According to Mr. 37’s profile, he was a widow.  But after speaking to him on the phone, I found out he had remarried after his first wife passed and he was now divorced.  But he still considered himself a widow–why do guys do that?  He wasn’t the first guy I came across who were widowed and then divorced (Mr. 17 did the same thing)  Hate to break it to you, guys, but you are as divorced as I am! Anyway, I figured we could talk more about it when we met.

I met him at the park and the absolute first thing I notice is that he is wearing a wedding ring on a chain around his neck–on the outside of his shirt.  Frankly, he might as well have been wearing body armor at that point.  Maybe the ring is special to him and he wants to wear it–fine, but on the outside of your shirt? That is just a bit too in your face for me! (not to mention the 5+ years he was remarried–did he wear it then too?)  I don’t  know, if you are still wearing a wedding ring from someone who died over 10 years ago–I’m just not feeling that you are ready to date.

It was truly a brief date–no matter what he said about being interested, I just couldn’t get past the ring.  He seemed to sense my reluctance to see him again but he did say that maybe we could walk the dogs again–who actually did get along ok!  It really is amazing how I’m 37 guys in and every date seems to bring new fodder for this blog….

Lessons learned:

1.  It’s easy to get in a dating rut (coffee again??)–it’s nice to do something different for a change of pace

2.  If you are ready to date–do not wear your wedding ring to a date!  It’s kind of a mixed message–you think??